Praying A Bubble

On Little Miss’s first day of school – not little Church preschool – but big elementary school, I remember dropping her off and going to the grocery store with Buddy. I was glad she was going to school, glad she was doing her own thing, but she was so small (we’re talking 4-years-old attending a pre-K program) compared to those big 10-year-old’s walking next to her and the thought of this little, little kid navigating the world with out me just made me feel weird. This little girl that I spent so much time with would now be doing so many things without me – and her life which was all mine to view was taking a step away from me. That weird feeling didn’t last long when I saw how happy she was and by the time Buddy went to school I was all “blow me a kiss and have fun!”

Today when I dropped my kids off at school I had that same weird feeling. What it comes right down to is a feeling of being out of control. My kiddos were heading off to their lives and I couldn’t watch over them. And that’s really it. The shootings at that Connecticut school last Friday have just shaken me on so many levels. My son is in first grade and I see the students who have died in Newtown as my son’s friends and the parents of those kids as my peers.

When the news was just hitting the media on Friday my brother and I were messaging each other.  He said, “angels and demons live among us” and that thought has just been tumbling around my brain. It seems like we saw both of those on Friday. My brother and I are both teachers as well as parents of small children.  We both know that if we were working, and a situation like that occurred, we’d do everything we could to keep our students safe – even the ones that are a pain in the neck – because not only do teachers teach, they love.

When my kids walked away from me this morning I prayed. I prayed a big bubble of safety around them – like the love that lives in the very skin of Harry Potter from his mother protecting him from the evil Voldemort or the force field that Bella from Twilight can shield those she loves with. I know the force of my love can’t protect them like in a novel, but the thought of that helps me cope.

I still believe that school is a safe place for my kids to be. I know this weird feeling will pass but I think I’ll continue to pray that bubble of safety around those I love for a long time to come.

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